http://www.forgehub.com/forum/images/announcements/site-update/Header-Text.png
A cool, stiff breeze shakes the wispy grass to its core, as does it touch the very inner soul of every man in London. This sentence would be a wonderful introduction to some strange expository writing piece relating to Harry Potter-esque wizards on a cold day. It would start on the thirteenth hour, of course, to bring in our Brave New World and 1984 type novels, and then lastly the Muad'Dib for a Sci-Fi aspect. Now that we have assembled the perfect, absolutely pristine novel out of these little bits, throw it away because this is a site update and those famous books are almost totally irrelevant. Although, if you are looking for a good read then you should check those out. They are all classics.
Speaking of classics, site updates that start out completely unrelated to the topic at hand; forging awesomeness! If only you fools had known what you were getting into when I was given this job. You have to deal with my painfully ADD lack of concentration. It’s so bad, you momma has Alzheimer’s! Er.. I think… well, that makes sense if you don’t… nevermind.
Shape-Shifters and Trolls
In lieu of my amazing introductions and epic transitions, I have some wonderful news. Some guys got promoted and such, and I am here to tell you what their names are. I’ll keep it short because my level of caring is far below my level of rambling and I want to manage to get as far through this update while at least halfway on topic, rather than wasting a ton of time talking about how everything sucks the shit all day every day, like that time I was walking up the stairs and I stubbed my toe. OUCH, it hurt like a madman. Oh yeah, madman meaning the guys who got promoted. Like that Spawn of Saltine fellow; he works his butt off running the Testers Guild every single day. I think he legitimately deserves his promotion, unlike that Jex Yoyo guy who was promoted years ago. He was just a nutcase. Another mentionable name, quite the puzzling guy in fact, would be Mander A1 Steak Sauce and his shiny new green Artisan. You could, in fact, say he comMANDERed our respect! Oh yeah and ChronoTempest is now a Loyal. He probably did something cool to earn it, you should go ask him like a boss.
Those more observant among you may have noticed that I boast two ranks (again, like a boss.) There is a reason for that; I am retiring from my Journalistic duties and swapping over to moderator. Now instead of punishing you with my thoughtfully crafted dagger-like words, I will simply infract your spam. I’ve grown tired of writing, because to be honest it is incredibly time consuming and demanding, but I still want to stick around and help out the site. So I am doing it in the best way I can see fit, and thanking my lucky stars for this chance to scribe my own eulogy. Or, I could simply be trolling you all so hard right now, with the help of the rogue admin Transactionzero. Who knows!
The Review Hub
With the hub running at one-hundred-ten percent efficiency, it’s truly difficult to make fun of. Add on to that my prior experience with the old Hub that has been entirely eclipsed by this new guard and all of its lol-some-ness (you should see the Review Hub Central Discussion thread, it is like 14 posts of shenagins followed by a couple about testing dates and then three serious discussion… then it repeats!) and I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I could talk about how at one point Organite and I were the fastest to be accepted, with four comments each, until Tedium came by and was promoted in three. I could also spill secrets about the staff forum like Sarge, and comment on how barren the 2v2 discussion has been for the longest time (not due to a lack of work, but due to an unfortunate waiting period brought upon us due to finishing prematurely(in before Stevo's obligatory innuendo joke)...) and, god willing, will soon have life breathed into it like the spring rains in a desert, so hot and dry. Oh yeah, and they wrote some Reviews and pissed in your cheerios too.
You have to go to the bathroom? You can apply for the Review Hub here.
Forsaken : 7.2/10 - Scorch199
Yahtzee Yahoo : 7.7 - Oli The G
Left 4 Dead: The Escape [Part 1] : 6.1 - PacMonster1
Reflect : 7.3 - PacMonster1 & Scorch199
Bunker Complex : 7.4 - robbieagray
Not the Review Hub
Honestly, my favorite part of the site update this week because I can leave you with a large spoiler, a link, and a couple sentences on the meaning of life. It’s not very often that someone gets the opportunity to do something amazing like that! But yeah, I just wanted to let you all know about the amazing opportunity we have for you to join the Testers Guild and trial what could very well be a new system of sorts. I won’t tell you exactly what is changing except that we are attempting to fix Loyal, and to take all of those fools who manipulate it to wipe the floor with a new system that limits it, once again, to only the TRULY loyal members of Forge Hub. I’m only allowed to drop small hints, if you catch my drift. Obligatory transition mentioning the below spoiler.
Starting tomorrow we will start making some changes to the Guild. Be aware that we are trying to make the TG the most efficient as possible. This is the first step to doing that.
TG Ranking System Amendments
1. Remove silver stars
2. Re-structure the ranks according to a new 15 star system
-Junior Member will be from stars 0-7.
-Member will be from stars 8-14.
-Senior will be 15+
3. Senior Members will be considered for Loyal when the following criteria are met:
-A Feedback Average Rating of 2.00 is continuously exceeded
-A member agrees to abide by the duties of a Loyal Member
-A decision amongst the Guild leaders and Staff to promote the member has been agreed upon.
4. Further activity throughout the Tester's Guild can credit a specific members Average Rating by completing the following Tasks:
-Compiling the Feedback Recap (+2.00)
-Assisting with the Testers Guild Video(+1.00)
-Completing a Testers Guild Update (+0.50)
5. Introduce a Probationary Period
-Loyals will be demoted after their Average Rating drops below 2.00.
-They will receive one term (2 week period) of Probation in which they can recover their rating to prevent themselves from demotion.
-If a member remains in the Probationary period for 3 consecutive terms (6 week period), they are to be demoted from Senior Member and lose all stars.
6. Amended Feedback Value
-The following feedback structure is to be used:
1 feedback = 1 star
2 feedbacks = 2 stars
3 feedbacks = 3 stars
4 feedbacks = 4 stars
-No more than 4 stars can be obtained per term.
-Bonus stars will still be awarded
You can see the original thread, posted by the wonderful Spawn of Saltine, here. Notice how I didn’t talk about the meaning of life?
Whats A Conspiracy
You can get loyal from TGIF. Just offer to host by sending a private message on over to Whats A Scope? with the information contained below. Or, you could secretly invest millions of dollars into a very large and corrupt company created with the sole purpose of bringing him under your control, eventually forcing him to give you his rank as a journalist then force the staff and administrators, through similar methods, to demote you to TGIF loyal. That’s what I would do anyway. If you are super lame, you can always get it the regular way using the following information;
[HOST'S PARTY NAME]
Host's Gamertag: [HOST'S GAMERTAG]
Start Time: [0:00pm EST]
End Time: [0:00pm EST]
Rules: [PARTY RULES]
Schedule:
[PARTY SCHEDULE]
Host four consecutive TGIFs (that's back to back for a grand total of four TGIFs spanning eight weeks)
Continue a party spans a minimum of two hours
Submit a recap of their TGIF which consists of:
A two paragraph write up
A minimum of two pictures from their TGIF
At least three download links of the maps they've played
Cloaked like a Stalker of the Night
Hidden somewhere in this site update is an update on the 2v2 contest. In fact, there is an image hidden here, right before your eyes. It is staring into your very soul. It is a picture of one of the secret staff maps locked away in the dungeons of the War Room (the official board for all of your Throwdown related matters!) I wish I could tell you how close we are to releasing it publically, so I will. All we have left are minor logistics and details which will probably be followed by a week or so of procrastination. It shouldn’t be too long my friends, before amazing things start to happen. You best believe it when I tell y’all that the maps we have in store are almost as amazing as the prize, the wonderful prize provided by some great friends…
http://www.astrogaming.com/
… our friends at Astro Gaming! They are planning to make this whole tournament experience worth your while. So enter the tournament and win sweet gear from Astro Gaming. Why don't you go drool over their amazing, high quality audio systems?
Queens of the Site Update
I'm sincerely disappointed in all of you. I set you up for some really, truly comical responses to a terribly open-ended question but you came up with nothing! You were too fixated on the 2x2 contest and the wonderful professional demeanor that is Rorak Kuroda's section of that same update to even bother with it. I mean, my best comment was from a space ostrich - I don't even know what that is! In fact, it was so bad that you didn't even pick up on my making fun of Pegasi's comment that he always thinks about the famous 90's grunge-rock band by a similar metaphor, so I had to do it AGAIN! So your question for this week is on a totally different page; who do you think, out of everybody (you could choose Broseph Stalin for all I care, as long as you can justify it) would be the best at writing the Site Updates? Please provide reasoning and please don't mention that I am an atrocious writer, that is already abundantly clear to everyone who read this. Oh yeah, your winner is below and stuff.
...On the weekend I sit back and reread all of your site updates...
Egress
While winding down the article to-day, I noticed a phenomenon most intriguing. As the hours clicked away, I had without warning begun gently, gently singing. This is a strange pastime for me indeed, considering my profound lack of choiristic gifts to be singing so freely. I was beguiled, then suddenly noticed I was writing in half-verse due to the Edgar Allen Poe novella popping into my head out of thin air. And then I looked at the clock and gasped; I had spent almost six hours on what was by no means a lengthy piece. I guess I just spent so much time into perfecting each and every word for you that I sacrificed quantity for quality. If you are offended, I apologize, it won't happen next time. If you call my bluff and realize that most of this is just insane rambling either way, and not really of the greatest quality, then shush. We don't need your kind around these parts. The rest of you, "until next time!"
Oh yeah, and click any administrators name in this article for epicness.
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