And so I’m back, from outer space. I came right in to find that my job had been taken by Pegasi while I was out dealing with computer issues, I could have sworn that we were brothers in blood. But alas! It is not so! I returned to find my brother-from-another-mother sleeping with my proverbial sister (the sister being, in this case, you) which is not only a betrayal more painful than death, it is just sick. Besides, I just came back from OUTER SPACE. Which means that I should be cooler than you, because everything sounds cooler when you add OUTER SPACE to it. And since I am cooler than you, it should be me who is with my sister, not you Pegasi! Not you!
Er… Anyway.
For those of you who were curious, the unfortunate circumstances that kept me from using my computer are still unknown. It may or may not have had anything to do with me stepping on it accidentally because I may or may not have come home at 4:00 in the morning and there is a chance that I left it in the middle of the floor and never noticed. But there is really no way to tell because I honestly don’t remember one bit. I remember nothing of the sweet profanities I yelled as the screen cracked under my foot and the plastic and metal embedded themselves into my foot, that’s absurd. I’m on to you, Gas-Lighters!
A Br-Br-Broken Record
The Review Hub I mean. Every day, every night, they do the same thing. They review maps, they post, they complain about not having enough members, and then they only have 3 posts to show for it per cycle. It’s like they got stuck on a hitch in the track…
Unless…
Can this be!? They have done something unbelievable, they have achieved the unprecedented, and they have reached new heights! They have made some changes to the setup of the guild! Folks, I have never seen anything like this before, I almost don’t know if I can believe my own two eyes. Curiously, the Review Hub and their new leader Organite have been strangely quiet about this, so I may not be able to tell you what I just witnessed. Let us just say that it involved a Minotaur. Curious yet? I sure am. While you are waiting why don't you drop on by the prestigious hub and sign up? It certainly can't hurt! While you look at that, here are the reviews for this cycle, posted below as usual.
Runoff : 4.1/10 - Organite
Placidity : 6.9/10 - PacMonster1
Vehiculation : 7.0/10 - Tedium & Oli The G
Amalgam : 6.3/10 - Stevo
Out of Order
Something isn’t right here Ion, where is the promotions section? You said there would be promotions, why are you lying? Are there other things you aren’t telling me? Are you ensconced in the filthy touches of an illegitimate lover whom you cannot name? Is that why you choose to ignore my questions?
Come on, just stay calm. I was bored so I decided to type this in a strange order lacking any reason. So next in line is the Question Of The Site Update, the most fabled and all around awesome part of this article. If you are curious to know who won last one, I’m afraid I move in mysterious ways. Hopefully this lone image is enough to satisfy your tastes.
To counteract the totally irrelevant question that Pegasi left you with, I just want to know what you all think about; Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan…
Thank Goodne- BAM
Urgh, I just got slapped in the face with this newest update. Apparently some creep, who you will hear about in the promotions sections a little down the page, is all super-eager to get mentioned because he is the first TGIF Loyal or some similar jazz. I don’t understand why he has to be all violent about it, it is little more than a filler rank for those who aren’t worthy of the color grey. People need to calm down. And while I am on the topic of calming down, the TGIF update that is now in the form of a red hand-print on my face is trying to say that there is a new way to gain access to the formidable Hub Pub. Apparently by hosting 4 TGIF parties and submitting feedback to Whats A Scope about how the night went, including a paragraph of lulz and three links to different custom games/maps you played, you get loyal. I honestly am jealous, back when I got my loyal I had to fight Bloo Jay tooth and nail for it.
Anyway, below is the regular setup and how you can work on getting your way into the Loyal status along with all of the perks; everything from a slightly larger Avatar to a new Custom Title, and even a higher Private Message limit!
[HOST'S PARTY NAME]
Host's Gamertag: [HOST'S GAMERTAG]
Start Time: [0:00pm EST]
End Time: [0:00pm EST]
Rules: [PARTY RULES]
Schedule:
[PARTY SCHEDULE]
And here's a quick recap of the full requirements for Customs Lobby Loyal in a bit more detail:
Host four consecutive TGIFs (that's back to back for a grand total of four TGIFs spanning eight weeks)
Continue a party spans a minimum of two hours
Submit a recap of their TGIF which consists of:
A two paragraph write up
A minimum of two pictures from their TGIF
At least three download links of the maps they've played
In order to retain their loyal they must continue to host TGIFs every two weeks.
A Shade Above the Rest
I truly wish I could say that every one of you has been promoted to some higher rank, so that I could see the joy in your collective eyes, but my muse thanks his personal deities that such a task is not required. I shall start this off by appeasing the whining devil pinohkio; yeah, that’s right, you all know he was promoted because of how loudly he was screaming it two weeks ago. We all know about how he tried to get a rainbow rank image then failed. Nice try, guy.
On a somewhat less personal note, anyone who got promoted but was not mentioned should blame Transactionzero, because he never responds to me when I ask him questions. No matter how many times I tell him that we need a list of who got promoted, he won't respond. So its all his fault and any messages I get relating to this will be very neatly ignored! Mwahahaha!
Tester Bester
As time goes on and days pass by, it always pays off to remember the small things. The Testers Guild, for instance, is a group of little guys that spend their time testing maps, making fun of the Review Hub, and being ignored. Thats right HiddenForger, we see you all right. We choose to ignore you. Anyway, the guild is a great place to meet some guys and get into custom games if you are interested. And if you want to see some really great maps before they are finished, it is the best of places to do that. Plus you get to help make it better. The Testers Guild is also one of three ways to achieve the loyal rank, along with the Review Hub and the TGIF. So head on over and give them a check; don't worry, they don't bite.
This is a paragraph designed solely to ease the flow of that large image to my left. See, even I am not above that.
It Won't Bite
A logical statement follows. A logical statement is also known as a premise. Now where have you heard that word before? Oh right, the 2v2 Throwdown winners! Premise is the map by that genius AceOfSpades that won the Forging wing of the Throwdown contest, of course. Its a really great map, I promise, it won't bite. Man I keep saying it won't bite, I should probably stop before they catch on to the fact that a cat is nipping at my toes (this is an innuendo) and... well I've said too much. Before you realize what's going on, Reflex Ion uses epic commentary on the 2v2 Throwdown! Its super effective!
YouTube - Forgehubs Throwdown Winners
If that wasn't enough, take a look at me now! Er, wait... I meant read the article announcing the winners. Its a pretty cool article that doesn't afraid of much, excepts spiders because spiders are scary, written by that traitorous swine Pegasi. I hope that one day he can earn his respect back, but unfortunately it will take a lot more than apologies and sensual massages. Poor guy should never betray me for a lousy woman.
http://www.astrogaming.com/
Speaking of, our friends at Astro Gaming are planning to make this whole tournament experience worth your while! So enter the tournament and win sweet gear from Astro Gaming. Why don't you go drool over their amazing, high quality audio systems?
G'BYE
Phew! I'm tired, my head hurts, I have to wake up stupidly early tomorrow, just sounds wonderful. But I still worked my butt off to give you guys this wonderful site update. I made it pretty, I forgot to reference Legend of Dragoon (the single best video game ever made,) and I made fun of some people, all for you. I feel like David Bowie in Labyrinth, doing all of this work just to have some upstart girl I loved coming into my castle and defying me. How sad the life of a journalist actually is! Anyway, I think I will go ahead and take one of my patented 3 hour long power-naps that I rely on, then wake up and study for my first final. I wish you all much better Sunday nights than I tend to have.
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