I awoke to find I had not slept last night, also that I died and was in Hell, not allowed to sleep the entire day because my family had arranged a contractor to come work on a wall on the front end of my house. Amidst the incessant banging, (and not the good kind), I found myself doing absolutely nothing, as a horrendous sleep schedule is prone to do, being the most productive of work habits.
But, as with nothing else in life, this cloud has a silver lining, and the subject of this week's article left a message in a chat I am affiliated with, and suddenly remembered I had work to do. Timeless, but manageable that he is, Epic Tusk had a flexible schedule that allowed me to repeatedly forget we had an interview to conduct, and the foresight necessary to message me exactly on the time we had agreed upon, only to find me unprepared. But not this morning, no, we were to talk later that day. But I wanted to sleep. So I made some breakfast, got in the frame of mind necessary to ask the tough questions everyone dodges, and messaged the man. Here is what followed.
FH: I am groggy and no doubt flustered by this being pushed back a few days, thus throwing off my nonexistent schedule. I NEED SLEEP. How does that affect you personally?
Not at all really, my schedule is right on time.
FH: Was that a comment about me?
No.
FH: Sure...I'm onto your coy game, Tusk.
So it seems.
FH: Now the evil laughter. Not cool, warm maybe, but not cool.
Okay, sorry?
FH: OH NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING INGRATIATING.
One must note, that without my morning food, I can get rather cranky. Almost like people craving coffee one morning, only to find their children flushing it down the toilet exclaiming "WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK DIRT!"
FH: You're part of the old guard, a group of people that joined FH shortly after the move to the penultimate incarnation of the forums way back in late 2007, early 2008. Why and how did you join?
I joined because I thought it would be a cool thing to do. I really liked Halo 3 Forge at the time and made like two really shitty maps that I wanted feedback on, but never got around to posting.
FH: At least you didn't make Lemmings. Poor, sweet Lemmings. Do you still forge? I know we were supposed to make that Walmart zombie map ages ago that we never got around to. The idea of clerks who normally want to eat your soul now wanting to eat your brain was rather appealing. We need to finish that.
Actually, yeah. I'm making like three or four maps with CHUCK and Cam0fo, which we really need to finish. And one with Furry that is pretty AWESOME, that we need to finish. And yes, Wal*Mart Zombies map needs to be finished.
FH: Hey, you spelled "AWESOME" correctly. You're one of the few that does that. You even put a star into the Wal*Mart word.
I mean, I do have AWESOME points.
FH: Yeah, how many do you have at this point? Like six, you can fly right?I've lost count, but enough to fly.
FH: The power of thundercougarfalconbird, right? Did I even say that correctly?Yes, I believe so.
Thundercougarfalconbird.
FH: You keep mainly to Off Topic (as do I), why is that and do you frequent other areas? I also mention that it's nearing the time he was set to leave, 2 pm in his area, so if it needs to be cut off he can just say so.The Off Topic is where my "bros" are at, as wells as the trolls. And I frequent the General Chat, because of the UMT, because I feel that my music taste is superior to everyone else's, so I must post about it. I also ghost the Map areas.
And okay, it's 12:46 here, we have time.
FH: Oh I thought it was later.
You need sleep, dude.
FH: See time is all screwy and definitely not because I'm lacking sleep.
Right.
FH: Really, Time just hates me. I'd get into it, but I should. Suffice to say, it involves taking Lady Luck as a mistress, and at least three midgets. Anyway, if you could pick one partner from FH to start a restaurant, who would it be? [points to self]
You.
FH: [jumps into the air elatedly, with his fist leading, time stopping as it's prone to do when it hates someone or was hired for an 80's movie freeze frame] I didn't prompt that, no way, no how.I already posted a menu for Spring in the Forgecast thread.
FH: That's right, I saw bacon, EVERYWHERE. Speaking of, what did I have for breakfast?
Bacon?
FH: Bacon, egg and cheese biscuits. So you're only about half right. But the rest is just a compliment to bacon anyway.
Nice.
FH: Consequently, assuming our Bacon-centric venture takes off, what would my capacity be in the restaurant if you're the gourmet chef and I'm currently broke?Besides being...AWESOME...
What followed was a rather lengthy discussion of the restaurant, which I won't reveal as they are business secrets.
FH: We're on a tangent. Speaking of tangents! If one train moves in one direction, and I can't even come up with a joke to tie that up, does it make a sound?Maybe?
FH: Hm. [writes in notebook] Subject passed.
F**k yeah!
I...don't...understand.
FH: You play Minecraft all the time, almost as if you moved from Halo.
Correct.
FH: Is it because they both appeal to the same creative inclination you have or was it just happenstance that you used to forge and now you craft?
I've always like Legos and stuff like that when I was little. And both, I guess, stem form that joy of building and destroying when I was little.
FH: Legos or Megablocks? Because I always got the latter as a kid. "They're bigger, just like you!" Stupid blocks...
Legos were my choice, because my brother had a big a** tub of them that I got handed down.
FH: Still a step up from brand-new knock-offs.
[still laughing] Yeah.
FH: Okay, so last time around, my mom was essentially speaking to me, through a question to you. That question being "if you're on here, what kind of personal relationships do you have with real people?" How would you respond to that?
I have a good personal life, with friends and the like, so I guess the answer would be: "radical!"
FH: I'm tempted to make a hippie-science joke, but I'll abstain. Lastly, what is your question for the next guy?
Why haven't you given Camofo a 1-month [Xbox Live Subscription] card yet?
FH: Okay, well that's it. Oh wait, anyone else you want to mention? And don't say CHUCK.
Well, it seems I just mentioned him. Oh well, he's not of the mind to realize the irony in that. Still need to counterbalance his subconscious ego boost somehow...
I just want to give a shout out to all the bros, ya naw what I'm sayin'. -Randle, Furry, Vice, Shuman, Theorem, Pred, Shatakai, other fellow GoO'ers and my baby momma.
FH: 's sister?
Maybe, although I thought that was 's baby momma.
Success.
Alas, our time has come. (Sends shivers down my spine, body's achin' all the time.) For your edification, Tusk was nominated by three separate people by my count, much more than the self-promoting sycophants that normally contact me. Totally didn't choose him to promote our future Bacon-themed restaurant "AWESOME" but that was, admittedly, a plus.
On that note, if you guys have someone to nominate that isn't yourself, or directly related to your culinary endeavors down the line, send me a message-o.
Goodbye, everybody. (I've got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.)
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