As last week's iteration was rather serious, and it is the day when jester's reign supreme (only to be locked into servitude once more the following day), I decided to take a silly suggestion from the shoutbox and interview my own mother for this week's Community Spotlight. Now, you may be asking "But she isn't a part of the community?" and I may be telling you that adding a question mark to end of a sentence doesn't mean it makes sense. But she is my mother, and even though Pegasi suggested it as a slight at me, he is still a... journalist.
Honestly, I wasn't going to do this, but seeing as how my normal method brought this about (that is to say, the first person to reply can suggest someone to interview) there's really nothing I can do. So without further ado, I do bring to you, no more rhymes.
FH: Why did you agree to be interviewed?
Because you threatened me.
FH: How did I threaten you?
I'm sorry, what?
FH: Why did you agree to be interviewed?
Because you asked me to.
FH: Was this [motions to self] planned?
How is that a part of the question?
FH: It's A question.
[silence. shakes head]
FH: [To the microphone]: She shook her head.
NO! DON'T SAY THAT.
FH: You did shake your head.Yeah, because I'm in disbelief. I don't see how this is pertinent to your community.
FH: Do you know the name of the website you're being interviewed for?Is it that "forge-thing" you just said?
FH: Yeah, what is it called?Oh, that's not the name?
FH: No.
Oh, let me look. [tries to look at the laptop]
FH: It's not on here.
It's not Forge...?
FH: It's Forge-something.
Video...
[my three-year-old sister chimes in] YOU'RE MAKING ME...CRACK MY FINGERS.
FH: Okay...if you could name the website, what would you call it?
Oh is it Forge Hub? Is that what it's called?
FH: Okay yeah.
Woo!
FH: Aside from me, what is your best Forge creation?
[several seconds and question-clarifications later] Uhhh...your brain?
FH: Do you take offense when people make "Yo Momma" jokes?
I suppose. I don't know, I'm never really around to hear them. I probably would.
FH: If I'm always right, and we always argue, why doesn't the universe implode when we disagree?
I'm always right, it doesn't matter what you say, I'm always right.
FH: But I'm always right, and you're "always right" so if we disagree...
What do we disagree about?
FH: I don't know.
See?
FH: Hm. Well, why do you (and everyone else for that matter) always say I make everything about me?
'Cause you do, you're the firstborn, it's typical.
FH: Are you generalizing?
It's...it's...there's books written...on birth order.
FH: There's books written that the world is a disc.
Yeah, in 18-, 17-what?
FH: No, there's a group called the Flat Earth Society. They actually believe the Earth is flat.
They're not a part of this "Forge" group, are they?
FH: No. Um, is it alright if I put your real age here?[silence for many a second, then a daring "just try it" tone that text cannot convey] Sure.
FH: Okaaayyy...Seeing as -
Are people asking these questions!?
FH: No.
Where are these questions coming from!?
FH: I'm asking them.
Well, where ar-
FH: I wrote them down.
Oh, okay.
FH: Seeing as how you're a teacher, why come you don't have a tattoo?
Huh? Say again.
FH: Do you remember Idiocracy?Oh. Yeah, I hated that movie.
FH: How do you play videogames if you can't read while driving?
[midget sister again] How can you say that?
Do you ever see me play videogames? The videogames I like are...pac man...
[other sister talks] That caterpillar game.
and Tetris. What was that one, that 80s one...?
FH: Centipede.
Yes, that one.
FH: The last person I interviewed (was when we were eating dinner and I was furiously typing away on my laptop) asked "Where do you draw inspiration from?"
[very young sister again] DO YOU LIKE FISH? [she's aware what the recording program looks like, she was trying to make me angry.]
What? He asked me?
FH: The last person asks a question for the next person, usually forge-related. But he didn't know I'd be interviewing you.Ohhh. [thinking aloud] Where do I draw my inspiration from? Inspiration... would be... I suppose... any mother's answer would be "you guys." [referring to my family, don't get any ideas]
FH: Awwww.
I know. How sweet, huh?
FH: If you had a question for the next person, what would it be. And try to make it -
Forge-related. Yeah, uh, do I really want to know how many hours you guys spend on this community thing?
FH: It's our hobby. Like you scrapbook...
I don't scrapbook anymore.
FH: Well, was that your question?
No, seriously. My question would be...how can you be on this for hours...and hours... and not know anybody really? I mean it's all kinda like that movie with Bruce Willis...don't you think?
FH: Surrogates.Yes, they're all kinda living behind a computer, don't you think? So this whole community...you're saying I'm not a part of the community.
[little sister] Momma!
Hold on a second, I'm trying to think what kind of question for the next guy. Yeah, how is it possible to spend so many hours on this thing? What's the longest amount of time you've spent on here? Howbout that?
FH: On Forge Hub or forging?
There's a difference?
FH: Forging is using Halo to make maps.
[condescending teenage sister drops in] He's on Forge Hub, like, 24 hours a day.
Why are you on this 24 hours a day?
FH: She's exaggerating.
[same sister, being condescending and mistaken] You didn't deny it.
FH: I just said you were exaggerating.
[trying to backtrack through mumbling] You didn't deny it and you didn't respond.
Okay here's my question for the next person, if you're on here, what kind of personal relationships do you have with real people?
[little sister] I don't know what happens when I tickle you.
FH: Did you enjoy this at all?
It was interesting.
She isn't using "interesting" in a genuine way, but as a placeholder. She's mean like that. But alas, you have a non-April Fool's article that was written on that day, and posted the next. Which, according to my original analogy in the preamble, would mean that I shouldn't be posting this because we're back to sincerity after the 1st. Oh dear. Anywho, if you have a recommendation for the next iteration that is not yourself, or a similarly self-pleasing and self-promoting personality, feel free to message me.
Adieu.
Oh, and you still aren't getting any pictures. Creepers.
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