SATURDAY FRIDAY SARGE
NIGHT FIGHT
Forge Hub vs xForgery
So a few weeks ago I was busy banning babies from Forge Hub for their arrogant antics, and yes, they can be called that, infantile whining over a lenient sentence deserves every bit of scorn (and alliteration). Ouch, run-on sentence. Anyway, I received a message from a user I recognized but couldn't place, asking me if I had skype. I replied in some fashion I can't recall, but we'll just assume it was filled with an unbelievable amount of wit, the likes of which the world will never see again. Shellshock said he was some guy from another site or something and asked if we could have a battle between the two in a fashion similar to SNF. Impressed with his knowledge of the site, that is, him knowing to come directly to me regarding anything relatively important, and in no way actual work, I affirmed. Thus, Forge Hub battled xForgery on Friday, February the 12th.
I arrived at the Halo 3 lobby fashionably late, my stream set-up and my ego in hand, I was ready to pummel the opposition with my superior intellect and sense of strategy. Then, as if by some hand of fate that inevitably tells you things will go wrong whenever you think they won't, Pegasi Delta, a fellow staff member with the well-earned epithet "Whore of the Britons," said he was out of the house and that it'd take him 10 minutes to arrive. So I had to sit in the party and entertain my soon-to-be-felled enemies with my sharp tongue and stories reasoning my hatred for all manner of midgets. Consequently, they laughed and were lulled into a false sense of security which was only supported by our pre-game warm-up for the sake of those watching on the streaming video channels.
Game Zero: Multiflag 2v4 on Gridlocked
We played a game to check my connection, and only Mr. Dewski was around to aid me in my quest for fated domination. My participation largely consisted of me jumping around in the background cracking insults whilst my teammate attempted to go MLG pro and flag cap against the entire team. I finally learned who won the 1v1 Tournament in that game, as I generally don't what's happening on Forge Hub at any given moment.
Unfortunately, Dewski isn't as skilled as I thought he was and clearly doesn't live up to the hype he gets. Come on, 4v1 should be a walk in the park.
So we lost, and Shellshock said he'd count that warmup as a part of the official games list should they get slaughtered the rest of the night, which, in retrospect led me to believing two things:
Shellshock is psychic
He will be counting this game as a part of the writeup.
Weirdly enough, this led to a double kill.
Game Uno: Asset Convoy on Roll Call
Originally, we were just going to play Gridlocked first, but I looked at the list of people who signed up and attempted to secure certain competitive players to play for later, more skill-based matches. As a result, I subtly asked Shellshock to change the map and he acquiesced, not knowing my true intentions.
I'm not entirely sure what went on for the first half of the match, as not knowing how exactly to play the gametype, I just ran around attempting to make sense of the control scheme. NOTE: pressing X in an attempt to pick weapons up is not a valid way of playing the game it seems.
I vainly attempted to massacre the other team from the other side of the map, only to see that SMG bullets are hardly effective in such endeavors. We were losing by about 6 points in the final rounds of the game, and that's nowhere near winning. I was VIP and beat down three oncoming attackers in a flurry of random punches, to which Peg, Harlot of the West, exclaimed approvingly. NOTE: Apparently you can just swing wildly and still get kills, must keep this in mind when playing MLG.
We lost the game by two points, when I madly punched one cleverly named l33tmeerkatslol, he evaded my hits by slamming his helmet directly into my fist. For some reason, the tactic worked, as he just stood there taking over five blows and didn't succumb to my death-dealing amazing-ness. It was odd, but it worked, and xF took their victory.
Final Score:
Team xForgery:12
Team AWESOME:10
I...don't...understand...
Game Deux: Conquest on The Hollow
Now, my cunning plan was to go into effect. However, as I vainly sent game invites to several prominent competitive players and people in the conquest community (COUGH COUGH SHANON AND GUNNERGRUNT YOU GUYS DIDN'T COME) I realized that many of the people that signed up are liars, and by extension, people suck. So I had to make due. I messaged several other people from the sign-up list for the sake of saying I invited them (hint: none of them came) and carried on, thinking us doomed.
Team AWESOME quickly took the lead, capturing the majority of the territories, four at first, then losing the last one in that set in the ever-looming, seemingly never-ending SUDDEN DEATH. I sincerely hope you just read those last two words in the announcer's voice, because I just did. Midway through our second lag-filled round, which was caused by one XF Ninja (yes I'm talking to you sir) and oddly still had us winning, two members on Team Not-So-AWESOME (only because I wasn't on their team of course) dropped and Shellshock thought it wise to continue fighting in order to lose the game quickly. Yes, the poor, sad little man of an event director from xF has a distaste for playing Conquest.
At one point in our slaughter of the two remaining enemies, I overheard their plan to surprise us by hiding behind a rock. This didn't register correctly and I stumbled into their nook, to which I was supposed to be promptly killed, thankfully, my subjec-er teammates were able to suppress the uprising and we quickly won the game.
Final Score:
Team xForgery:3
Team Sarge:12
In any other game, I'd be the blue guy.
Game Three: Multiflag on Gridlocked
Well, the party leader forgot to put a time limit on the game, and as a result the game lasted much much longer than it should have.
Team FH ran in and capped a flag after a little while, quantitative comment, I know. Remembering back to my short-lived time with overrated Dewski, I realized that my expectations are much higher than any lowly human can meet, meaning, in a straight out multiflag match, I should help as my team can't manage against one extra person.
My help was nothing, I went -16 in the end, but who's counting? Well I was, but it doesn't matter because I got the final flag capture in the end. At least I think I did, I honestly don't remember, that game was too long and my self-consciousness needs some incentive in retaining that memory. So yeah, I got a flag capture, I don't care what the records say.
Final Score:
Team xForgery:0
Team Forge Hub:3
Final flag cap, foiled.
Final Tally (Assuming you can't count)
The AWESOME Team of Forge Hub won two of three official matches in landslide victories. xForgery came, saw, and didn't conquer, but that doesn't mean we should put them down or insult, well, maybe flame Shellshock, because he doesn't quit with the knifing, but that's another game entirely.